im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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