Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
