**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
