The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
