We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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