He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
