I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
