Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
