dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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