At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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