Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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