some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
