My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
