My Higher Power is John Stamos
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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