In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
