Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
