ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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