put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize