Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
