I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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