don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I understand Curling. That high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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