hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
