I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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