dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
