So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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