Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
