The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
