I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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