i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
