i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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