She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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