who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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