We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
