Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
