There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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