im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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