I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
