Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize