I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
