I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
