Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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