forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
