pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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