I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
