So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
