all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My dick has a subreddit
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
