my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
