your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize