OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
