I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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