This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
