So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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