dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
