my being single is dangerous.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
