This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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