wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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