Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
