GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
