She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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