I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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