the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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