my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
