Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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