one two three fourrrrnication!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
