Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
